Responsibility vs. Blame
If someone else is wrong, how am I responsible?
Understanding the boundaries of responsibility vs. blame is such a touchy subject, the line is fine and worst of all, open to so much misinterpretation and misunderstanding. The question “if someone else is wrong, how am I responsible”, suggests that being wrong and being responsible, might be the same thing. They’re not! Let’s separate those two ideas and let’s separate them so completely, so that we can see them as the two very different things that they are. This disentangling of two ideas confused for the same thing, is fundamental to understanding what personal responsibility is, and therefore freeing yourself from an old paradigm of thinking and being.
So many teaching of the New (C)age Movement led humanity to half-truths that never translated to the congruent harmony of pure truth. Pure truth will tell you that responsibility is your ability to respond to the situation, therefore, it is your ability to show up in your power, as a creator of life rather than one reacting to it. We will explore more about that further on in this post, responsibility however is not to be confused with you taking blame for someone else’s action, or even for taking blame at all. There should be no competition of responsibility vs. blame because the two are that different.
What it means to be wrong:
There is a natural order of things, an underlying harmony that all of creation ascribes to, we call that natural state of being: Universal Law. Being wrong, from the vantage point of universal law is a misnomer because regardless of what wrongs you may have perpetrated, they cannot be confused for who you are a person. Therefore, it would be justifiable to say you have done wrong, but not that you are wrong. The first refers to an action, the second refers to an identity and the notion that a person’s being can be permanently corrupted. It cannot. Even if perpetual wrongs are perpetrated by the same person, their core essence is preserved as light and they are given freedom to discover for themselves, how to correct their actions. This is not always an easy path, it requires great humility, patience, and the willingness to learn and evolve and do better.
Wrong is wrong
But a wrong action, remains wrong, especially when it is harmful to another. Universal law is quite different to manmade laws. It is far simpler, more harmonious, leaves no room for second guessing, is more congruent with sovereignty and personal respect. In universal law, when your actions impede on the freedom or sovereignty of another you have transgressed and will be given numerous attempts to bring yourself back into balance.
-Do not impede the freedoms of others
-Do not harm another, knowingly or unknowingly
-Respect for all life
The above three points are examples of Universal Law and everything in the entire universe will conspire to get you into harmony with yourself, where you in harmony with the universe, and able to live by simple, yet powerful, truths and the blurred lines of responsibility vs. blame will become clear.
What it means to be responsible:
If ever there was a misunderstood word in the English language, this is it. Responsibility!
To be responsible for yourself, means that you are not blaming, others or self. This is a quantum leap into 5D which cannot be forced into place, but used as a landmark to navigate towards and to patiently orientate your life to. It requires you to know that a person can do wrong to you but that eventually you will be tasked with dropping the blame if you are to liberate yourself. You can hold someone accountable, but holding blame puts you in a trap that only you can free yourself from. You can acknowledge an action as wrong, but when blame is involved, there is an unconscious binding of yourself to the situation or person being blamed. That is the nature of judgement and why responsibility vs. blame needs clarifying.
Judgement is a side effect of being in 3D consciousness and is completely natural to the 3D landscape, blame is a side effect of this judgement and equally natural to that paradigm. Therefore, if you notice yourself either blaming or judging, this does not make you wrong, it simply indicates your state of consciousness and offers you the choice to elevate yourself.
With blame there’s an element of wanting something from the other person, be it an apology, their remorse, their suffering, their public shaming. With accountability you are simply recognising that the other person had a role to play, and that you did too, even if your role was to experience something negative.
When you are responsible, you do not project on to others because you start seeing yourself as the creator of your world. No one is a solo creator; we all co-create and being a co-creator allows you to participate actively with the world instead of reacting to the word. When you stop projecting, you have taken a massive step into personal responsibility and dropped the need to have the outside world be wrong which is often used as a means of deflecting responsibility. In a sense, it is used as an avoidance tactic, because society taught that being responsible means being blamed, and in response, humanity learned to blame others rather than be burned at the stake. This was perhaps a necessary survival tactic for times gone by, but we are an ascension cycle and not only are those times gone, a new time is dawning and asks us to show up as totally responsible individuals. Denying yourself of an opportunity to be responsible is tantamount to denying your power, your sovereignty and your freedom.
For the most part, humanity chose to avoid responsibility but were left without being able to acknowledge it, as truth is often blunt yet painfully sharp. To avoid the sharp truth of admitting to irresponsibility, humanity learned to relabel and repackage various dysfunctional tendencies as responsible, thus appeasing even the most self-critical thinker. One of the myriad of ways where this relabeling presents itself, is where people declare the burden or responsibility they carry for others.
A hard-hitting truth:
Here’s a hard-hitting truth, one that may first be rejected before it can be accepted. The rejection comes because it’s so contrary to what many believe to be true and have been brought up to understand, and here it is: you can’t be responsible for another person, each person can only be responsible for themselves.
I know that this statement will lead to flurry of questions
-what about children?
-what about the elderly?
-what about the poor, the homeless, the sick?
There’s a fundamental difference between caring for a person and taking responsibility for them, children however, are the exception.
A new-born baby simply can’t survive on its own, they need a responsible person to care for them. Read that line a few times and what you will see is that the care of a baby requires a responsible person to meet their needs, but this does not necessarily mean that this person will be taking responsibility for their character as they grow into independence and maturity.
There is, however, an exception with children, and that is that a parent is responsible for them until they are fully mature and able to be responsible for themselves (usually at the age of 18). Even still, this requires a parent to be fully responsible for themselves in order to do justice to their parental role. Specifically, a parent is responsible for the spiritual and energetic protection of their children, this is not something that a child can do for themselves until they are emotionally mature enough. This is a level of caring for another that goes beyond conventional care and enters the domain of responsibility. The parent can therefore see their children as extensions of themselves, covering them with their spiritual protection. This is natural to the child, who, at least for those under the age of 7, will experience themselves as a part of their parent’s energy field, they only start the process of individuation from the parent at the age of 7, and some only much later. Many people will read this and realise that there might not have been raised by people who were responsible for themselves, that is true and why so many misunderstandings about responsibility exist and why each person is responsible, as adults, to course-correct themselves and create clarity around responsibility vs. blame.
Practical examples of parental responsibility:
I am a mother of three beautiful people, to be a good mother, I need to be fully responsible for myself and that will allow me to do right by them. I am fully responsible to teach them wrong from right, but what they do with those teachings as adults, I cannot be responsible for. I am their mother, I am fully responsible for feeding them the healthiest food that I can afford, but I am not responsible for the food choices they will one day make as adults. The point that I am making here is two-fold
1) I am responsible for myself, first and foremost. This means that to care for others I must care for myself, to do right by them, I must do right by myself. I cannot ask them to do what I am not able to. Notice the natural balance that is created from this easily missed, yet fundamentally important position.
2) Only when I am a responsible person, can I do them justice in being responsible for their needs, however, that will never make me responsible for their adult success or failure, but hopefully my example enables them to take responsibility for themselves. In that case, it wouldn’t matter to me if they succeeded or failed, because seeing them be responsible individuals, would be the greatest triumph I could wish for. If raised with the principles of respect for sovereignty, a child is less likely to feel “wrong” and judged and therefore less defensive, more available to open conversations and participation in decision making from a more mature standpoint.
What about the aged, the sick, the homeless and helpless?
For that matter, what about the planet and the pollution, the animals and everything that needs care in our world? Are we not responsible for them? If we aren’t responsible then who will be?
We are here to care for our world in a way it has never been cared for before, we are here to love it back to life but to do that, we must be responsible custodians and a responsible custodian is not responsible for another. Ever. Period. They are however, very responsible for themselves. When that alignment is in place, a person will always lean towards the right action for others, be it the planet, the poor, the homeless or the hungry.
How this really works:
A person who can purify themselves to the degree that they are taking rightful, pure, and true responsibility for themselves, carries an inner alignment within them, that automatically respects all life because we default to care for others when care for self is already in place. We default to respect for others when respect for self is already in place, we default to dignity and respect for the freedom of others, when that is in place within ourselves. Thus the ambiguity between responsibility vs. blame dissolves into clarity.
Another reason why you can’t take responsibility for others, is because the implication is that you are giving them what you cannot give yourself. This creates an obvious doorway to resentment towards them later on. If you were responsible, you would care for others, but not to the degree of self-denial or self-sacrifice. At the point of self-sacrifice, a person would have gone far beyond caring for another, and into a deeply wounded space disguised as care, often allowing for martyrdom and victimhood. The person who might be undergoing such an experience, is not wrong nor inherently flawed. They are attempting to realign themselves to their higher truth of empowered sovereignty, and their course correction may be requiring them learn what causes self-love and what causes self-harm. Ultimately, it will deliver them to a higher state of being, hopefully however, they can circumvent their pain by realising that they always have a choice, even when it appears they don’t. The more they align to, and honour themselves, the more they will naturally align to the same love and respect with all of life.
Over giving is not love
It’s highly irresponsible to over-give, it depletes, it devours energy, it denies the true self and will ultimately lead to the demise of a both parties – the giver and the receiver. The receiver will be denied when the giver renders themselves too depleted to continue, but mostly, the receiver will be denied the opportunity to realise how powerful they are when they continually have someone over-giving and convincing them they aren’t capable of meeting their own needs.
The harmful effect of being responsible for others:
As explained above, you can’t truly ever be responsible for another but here’s the real reason why. When you are responsible for another, you are demeaning them to the position of incapability for doing so for themselves. Yes, there is the obvious exception when a person is too sick, or too small to take responsibility, in those cases you meet them with care. Attempting to be responsible for someone else is an attempt to take their sovereignty and deny them the dignity of their being, the power of their abundant creativity and the right to fail, learn and grow. Can you see how, in asking about the difference between responsibility vs. blame, it creates clarity around the true meaning of personal responsibility. It’s high time we do this, we are ascending and have no more room for these kinds of distortions.
Practical example, and the definition of sovereignty:
When a government takes responsibility for those who it sees as its “subjects” then that government denies the people they are ruling over of their sovereignty. Sovereignty is a respect granted to each person that guarantees them their free will. In such instances, the State has assumed full responsibility for their subjects and expects them to abide by their mandates. Sometimes these could be in favour of humanity, sometimes not. It’s important to have the option to be cared for, but to be fully sovereign which means fully responsible for yourself.
Responsibility is not authority:
Most of us grew up in a world that told us that if anyone was responsible for us, they were also authority figures that ruled over us. As we evolve into individuals and we begin to respect ourselves and value our sovereignty, only then can we begin to respect the individual sovereignty of another and speak to them as equals, worthy of the same dignity and respect. A parent therefore could find themselves collaborating with their children, as a team with players of different strengths and skills working together. Very different from the old-fashioned notion of a parent ruling over them and undermining their individual sovereignty, because even children have it, it’s a universal standard that all evolved beings align with and is an acknowledgement that each person is seen as an individual whose rights and freedoms are honoured.
A Natural Alignment
There simply would not be anyone willing to take authority over another person if they were being responsible for themselves. Once there is clarity of the responsibility vs. blame question, and personal responsibility is in place, it sets actions into motion that are aligned with nature and harmony. These harmonious actions prevent you from amassing a negative karma that is highly detrimental.
Why is that kind of karma highly detrimental?
Any kind of karma taken on right now, is of the highest detriment because we are collectively clearing our karma as we ready ourselves for ascension and living in higher vibrational alignment and higher consciousness. Karma is not something that we can store like we once used to, it is being “burned off” as quickly as it arrives, so the implications are often felt harshly and suddenly.
The planet is correcting this
If you are reading these words and finding that they’re stirring something within you, good! That is because you are not alone as you align yourself to this higher state of being wherein personal responsibility sets the tone for how you show up in the world. The entire planet is doing this with you, and by that, I mean the planet itself as a consciousness, as well as all the people who populate the planetary consciousness. The collective lesson is for each individual who is capable of doing so, to start being responsible and therefore sovereign. You can read more about planetary corrections here
Burden is a warning sign
And remember that when responsibility feels like a burden, it’s not responsibility, it’s a burden. This feeling of burden is a warning sign to us that something is out of balance and to put it back into balance, you are being called to elevate into personal responsibility. How can you be more responsible to meet your own needs, thereby allowing you to meet the needs of others in a more wholesome and balanced way. How can you spend more time with your true self, enabling you to meet others in their truth. Stay the course, keep tuning in with yourself to see where you are being called to become a being of personal responsibility and thus, a being of supreme freedom. Haha, and no, freedom does not mean reckless but that’s going to be saved for another blog.
Responsibility vs. Blame – the core of the confusion and ultimate solution!
When a person accepts responsibility for themselves, they are not accepting blame, they are accepting freedom! Boy did we have it wrong, to ever have gotten responsibility to equate to blame rather than to freedom. This was the old equation:
When I am responsible, I can be blamed, wrong, punishable, convicted, restricted and ridiculed. When I have less responsibility, I have more freedom. I need a governing body to preside over me to create more ease for me, and less room for failure and therefore, blame. I need to be separate from this governing body so that I am not inconvenienced by its tasks.
The snare we were caught in
The above equation was one of the greatest lies we ever believed, but one that we needed to buy into to perpetuate an inverted matrix wherein we would prevent ourselves from ever becoming powerful. We got caught in the misunderstanding of responsibility vs. blame and kept pairing the two up against each other, preventing us from seeing the truth. That way, we couldn’t say to anyone “you did this to me” because the truth would be that we did it to ourselves, we chose to believe the lie. The liar is at fault, but so is the one who believes it. when the truth is interwoven into the fabric of our being and everything in you will call you to it. Everything in you will rise to meet it, here is the higher truth of a higher human:
When I am responsible, I am free to make decisions that respect me and thereby others, I am sovereign and therefore in harmony with all creation. I offer creation the freedom and respect it deserves because this is what emanates from deep inside of me, interwoven into the fabric of my being. I am an extension of the universe itself, in perpetual alignment and co-creation.
Accepting responsibility is not accepting blame, it is accepting your freedom. Take it!
PS: Ready to take your next steps into elevated consciousness, personal responsibility, and true freedom? Then join me at my upcoming course Activate Your Wings
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